01-28-2023, 03:03 PM
Hi, and welcome to TS.
I thought I would share that sometimes the extra-marital relationship is healthier than the marriage relationship. It doesn’t mean the MP (married person) will divorce for something healthier but that doesn’t mean the dynamic in the marriage was better either. Maybe it was just easier.
When my MM (married man) was going through his separation and was feeling conflicted, he invited me to his counseling sessions. I was surprised how much his IC (Individual Counselor) shared with me from prior sessions. Apparently they talked a lot about me as well as BW (Betrayed Wife) and through these discussions the IC concluded that our R (relationship) was the healthier one because our dynamic was to solve problems and move forward with an intention of not repeating unhealthy patterns or do any rug-sweeping. I wanted a healthier R than what I had in my M (marriage) and my MM agreed that he wanted that, too.
Gable, my MM, found these tools to be healthy and enlightening but it took hard work and fortitude, which I think he eventually tired of. He ultimately found himself back in his comfort zone of codependency and rug-sweeping in the M but we enjoyed a very lovely and long term R for many years after he and BW reconciled, which I don’t regret. It was a beautiful ride of nearly two decades.
It’s important to note that he chose himself. It wasn’t about choosing a woman. In the end he kept both, both kept him in his happy place.
I knew he would need encouragement to stand up for himself if he was going to return to his M, so I kept providing that. He recently shared that he stood up to BW, that he would respond better to her if she simply asked for things rather than her usual approach. I was proud of him for that!
We should learn from every relationship we have in life whether it be parent/child, husband/wife, employee/employer, or married person/other person. We learn from each and take what we learn into the next relationship, strengthening ourselves with each relational journey. Gable learned to stand up to BW; I learned to walk away from someone I still loved.
Have no regrets, because all Rs enrich our lives and teach us more about ourselves and that can be a beautiful journey in itself.
I am divorced now, and have left Gable. I walked away from both Rs with an immense amount of strength and agency to move forward to better things.
I thought I would share that sometimes the extra-marital relationship is healthier than the marriage relationship. It doesn’t mean the MP (married person) will divorce for something healthier but that doesn’t mean the dynamic in the marriage was better either. Maybe it was just easier.
When my MM (married man) was going through his separation and was feeling conflicted, he invited me to his counseling sessions. I was surprised how much his IC (Individual Counselor) shared with me from prior sessions. Apparently they talked a lot about me as well as BW (Betrayed Wife) and through these discussions the IC concluded that our R (relationship) was the healthier one because our dynamic was to solve problems and move forward with an intention of not repeating unhealthy patterns or do any rug-sweeping. I wanted a healthier R than what I had in my M (marriage) and my MM agreed that he wanted that, too.
Gable, my MM, found these tools to be healthy and enlightening but it took hard work and fortitude, which I think he eventually tired of. He ultimately found himself back in his comfort zone of codependency and rug-sweeping in the M but we enjoyed a very lovely and long term R for many years after he and BW reconciled, which I don’t regret. It was a beautiful ride of nearly two decades.
It’s important to note that he chose himself. It wasn’t about choosing a woman. In the end he kept both, both kept him in his happy place.
I knew he would need encouragement to stand up for himself if he was going to return to his M, so I kept providing that. He recently shared that he stood up to BW, that he would respond better to her if she simply asked for things rather than her usual approach. I was proud of him for that!
We should learn from every relationship we have in life whether it be parent/child, husband/wife, employee/employer, or married person/other person. We learn from each and take what we learn into the next relationship, strengthening ourselves with each relational journey. Gable learned to stand up to BW; I learned to walk away from someone I still loved.
Have no regrets, because all Rs enrich our lives and teach us more about ourselves and that can be a beautiful journey in itself.
I am divorced now, and have left Gable. I walked away from both Rs with an immense amount of strength and agency to move forward to better things.
No regrets
