(07-20-2024, 05:42 PM)Sunshinechica Wrote: Hello and welcome.
Without divulging too much personal facts, how have you never been in a relationship?
How long has this been going on?
How often do you see each other?
Its my personal belief that someone who starts off a relationship with a lie, will have no problem lying to you about other things.
I don't think the fact that he is married means he is using you.
But rather how do you feel in this relationship?
Not just when he is w you, but in general.
Do the words match the actions?
Does he say a lot of nice words but when it comes to actions is hot and cold and inconsistent?
What is the age difference? Did he know you've never been in a relationship?
Thank you for your response!
To answer your first question about how have I not been in a relationship before:
I'd say it has some to do with the circumstances in which I was raised. Dating was taken very seriously, and it was only to be used to find a marriage mate and only when you were "old enough" and "ready". Casual dating and sex were completely out of the question.
When I was a teenager, there were a few different times when I was "gently reprimanded" for having crushes on boys and told that since I was too young for marriage these feelings were inappropriate and I needed to keep them in check. And while I do believe this came from a place of kindness, I felt uncomfortable being able to ever express interest in anyone, even when I entered my early 20s. But it was supposed to be okay because I was told that "love will only find you when you're not looking"
Now I'm in my late 20s, living by myself and I feel lonely. I've also noticed an increase in my sex drive. My secret guilty (self)pleasure was no longer cutting it, so I took to the internet. I didn't want to risk being caught so I avoided local dating sites and ended up on a more global platform, which is how I met MM. We talked once, but then kind of lost contact for a few weeks. He had actually stated in his bio that he was married by using the term MWM, but I was unfamiliar with it I didn't clue in at all.
We reconnected just about 2 weeks ago. A lot of people on the site are more into roleplaying and not looking for actual relationships, so I never intended/expected anything to happen. I thought the cybersex would be enough, but I was really craving physical intimacy. We found out that we lived relatively close to each other. I was the one who suggested turning our fantasies into reality. Initially, he was hesitant because he felt he might be too old (mid-40s) and not attractive to a young woman (at this point we had not seen any pictures of each other). But I insisted and he agreed and said he'd figure something out.
We then exchanged photos. I noticed a wedding ring and asked about it. That's when he said he was going through a divorce. He told me he also had kids. He then told me that he would completely understand if I no longer wanted to meet with him. I could have just stopped it there. But I guess you can say I felt desperate, like this might be my only chance. So I told him I'd like to still go ahead.
From that point on everything started moving rapidly. We talked every day, often throughout the day. And about lots of different things. I told him it was okay if he wanted to express how he was feeling about his divorce as he had mentioned there being a lot of tension in the house. He listened to me talk about some of my past traumas. He thanked me for trusting him. We both said how we wanted to be supportive of each other. I this point I also admitted to him that I was a virgin. He told me he felt honoured that I wanted him to be my first. He said he would be tender and wanted to make it special and positive and would make sure I felt good and safe. He thanked me again for trusting him.
The next day he said he loved me. I said I loved him back. Our conversation began to be sprinkled with "I love you"s
After a few days we settled on a plan for a meetup that would take place the following day. It would be overnight. I had told a friend about the plan and she was very concerned about safety, which made me panic a bit too. I decided to let him know I had concerns to see how he would react, and he was very understanding and said he wanted me to feel safe and comfortable. So I met with him and it was exactly the way I wanted it to be. He was kind, gentle, and seemed genuinely crazy about me. He kept asking me if I felt happy.
There was already a timeframe in place for the whole divorce, and we both agreed that we should be together once everything is finalized. He was very worried about what would happen with the kids though. The next morning he started to become quite anxious about them. His biggest fear was that their mom would just leave and take them with her and he'd not be able to see them again. We still spent some lovely time together before he left. He promised we would see each other again soon.
I immediately started getting panicked texts from him. He had spoken to wife on the way home and she was very suspicious. She also contacted some of their religious leaders to counsel him which was apparently a big deal. He called me. He sounded very very distressed, I think he may have been crying. He profusely apologized for hurting me. he said something about his wife having all the power. he said something about having to work with these religious people now. I told him that I didn't think that this was where we ended. He said he didn't know what was going to happen.
After that I didn't hear from him until the next day late at night I saw that he had commented on an old personal ad he had made on that website. another user asked if he had any luck and he replied by saying he hadn't and asked if they were interested.
I was stunned. I left a snarky reply saying that I found it hard to believe he was unsuccessful. At the same time I sent a non-snarky direct message expressing how sad I was and that I didn't want him to go. He replied to both the next day. To the comment on the post, he said he actually had the best night of his entire night but was scared of screwing up the girl's life with his drama (he was going along with the bit that I was just a random commenter). to the dm he said that he hadn't stopped thinking about me. he had strong feelings for me. he said that people were trying to get him to reconcile. I responded with a long message that was essentially me confirming I wanted to be with him.
later I got a message from him saying that everything was complicated and he was very drunk. he needed to figure his life out but i was amazing. I said I was concerned about him being so drunk and that I just wanted to know what was going on. he responded 30 min later, he said he knew in his heart he wanted to be with me but said he felt like he didn't deserve me, that I was too good and amazing for him. i figured he was still drunk though. he said he had to go to sleep but that he loved me and we would talk later. That was last night and I haven't heard since
